Can't sleep have too much on my mind so I figured why not blog a little about my day.
Well let's see woke up at seven to my hungry little piglet, Fallon, got her fed then did a bit of net surfing all the while having a very intellectual conversation with my three month old...full of oos and aaas and all those wonderful first baby noises. I have been enjoying her noises soo soo much. She is also smiling tons!!! She is such a happy baby. She loves her mommy very much hehe!
About nine my monster got up and then my day got a bit crazy!!! Seems the crazy level in my house always goes up about 100 notches once he gets out of bed. We both ate cookies for breakfast...real healthy I know but I figure what the heck its the holidays and I made about 5 dozen cookies last night lol...we had them with milk so that balances out right ;). Sully and I spent the rest of our morning coloring and watching cartoons while Fallon slept in her boppy next to us on the floor. We spent our afternoon with me watching desperate housewives and Sully in my room watching more cartoons. I also cleaned cleaned cleaned my house...because I never do that, haha.
About seven Ryan got home made biscuits and gravy (yummy!) and we spent the rest of our night juggling our munchkins. Very interesting day in the life of us I know! Conversations with three month olds and three year olds, coloring, and cartoons! I totally love every minute of it!!!
Seems my typical day is ending badly though because I found out my mom isn't doing very well. She is in the hospital and has been for a month now and seems to be getting worse, although I am assured she is supposed to start getting better I just don't know how to feel. As most of you know I have a bad relationship with my mom, I haven't spoken to or seen her in almost three years and now I am thinking I am gonna have to break down and go see her, because if nothing else to ease my own mind. If she dies I will never forgive myself for not going and I will have that with me for the rest of my life, but if she's ok in the end am I expected to start seeing her and being a "daughter" again? So there lies my dilemma. Shall I stick to my values and not go or do I go? I mean no matter how far apart I have distanced myself from her she is still my mom right? So the obvious choice is go and see her...but on the flip side of that I feel I would be going solely because of selfish reasons, to ease my conscience because if she pulls out of this I won't be able to have a relatinoship with her, it's just too hard. I have given the woman so many chances in my life and she screws them all up and I am afraid if my kids know her she will somehow hurt them and I can't have that. Although like I said she is my mom. There is also this nagging feeling I have about being the oldest sibling. I am the oldest and in times like this feel I should be helping my younger siblings thru this trouble and be taking on the burdens that they are taking on. I am the strongest of all of us and I am sitting here on my butt having nothing to do with the entire situation isn't that selfish? God I am so confused. Am I selfish or am I doing the right thing? Who knows? I think I will go see my mom seems to me that is what I should do, if not for myself, for her, and my siblings so they have me to lean on. Yeah that's what I should do, that's the right thing to do.
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- The Dembkowski Bunch
- A family consisting of one dad, one mom, one son, and one daughter. Mix those four together, add in one chocolate lab, and you get one crazy, happy, wonderful, life!!!
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3 comments:
What a decision... I think that is a good plan, go see her but don't forget to keep your barriers up and don't let her make you feel guilty. You are being the bigger person by visiting and I hope that she realizes your generosity. I'm glad that you had your siblings over for Thanksgiving, that shows them that you are still always there for them, just not your mom b/c of how she as treated you all. Good luck and you know if you need anything, you can always let me know.
You are a very strong woman and you always have been. I admire you because even after everything you have been through you have used that to become a wonderful, caring mother and person. Good luck with everything and just know that you have a lot of people on your side :)
I am a bit late with my advice, but you are the only person who can make this decision. You need to do what is best for you. I know what you have been through and I understand why this is a tough decision for you. I do not wish any bad on Dolly, but I don't know if I could go visit her. Your dad was a grown man when he made his choices with her, and he has paid for those choices. But how can I regret the time my brother spent with her when I got two wonderful nieces and one handsome nephew out of the deal? Your past makes you the person you are today.
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